Reset

Since Western States, I have been trying to locate the Reset button, the one that clears the slate and makes way for the new. But I am having trouble finding it. I was so focused on Western States and so excited for that race. But when it was over, I got pulled into the post-race vortex, the one that sucks you in and then spits you out four weeks later with your head still spinning. After Western States, I think I just got lost with no direction for my running.

The big problem is Angeles Crest on August 28th, which I am in by virtue of last year's race cancellation. I was so excited for this race last year, but this year, not so much. I know lots of people run back-to-back hundreds, but for me, doing another mountainous 100 nine weeks after WS seems inhumane and insane. My heart is just not in it right now. I am not sure my body is on board either. Maybe other people bounce right back, but I still feel tired and stiff! And my left knee still isn't 100%.

My training plan for WS wasn't perfect, but I had a definite plan and I knew what I wanted to do at the time. Now I feel torn between the need to recover and the need to train. I don't have a Jerry Seinfeld inspired wall calendar for Angeles Crest; I don't even have a plan in my head!

Probably I should just bag AC, but for some reason, I feel committed and I am stubborn like that! Usually in ultras that stubbornness is an asset; now maybe I am just being an ass!

This week a friend of mine asked if I wanted to "cherry pick a trail marathon" on the 31st. There's a new race in Forest Park and at the time there weren't many entrants and he was convinced I could win the women's race easily. And instantly, I was turned off by the idea. I am very competitive, but competitive for the sake of competition and to have a good fight. I want the competition to elevate me, to push me to someplace that I wouldn't normally push myself. I'd much rather get my ass kicked but personally have a strong race than have a mediocre run and "cherry pick" a victory. So that night, I signed up for White River. I was hoping it would give me a kick in the pants- light a new spark within- but I don't think it has. It is just making me worry that I am going to get that ass kicking that I was bargaining for, and I am not even talking about the other runners! The race itself has me worried!

How strange that a month ago I was completely confident in my ability to run 100 miles and now a mere 50 scares me! But in the previous four weeks I have not run on a trail, I have not run more than an 18 miler, and until today, I had not carried even carried a water bottle or any food. Not exactly ultra-caliber training!

Basically, there are only 2-3 weeks left to train for AC. I know I can do that, but I am already looking forward to the taper and I haven't even been training! Yikes!