Why I Am Not A Dog Person

I don't really like dogs, but I spend most of my time pretending I do. It's a Dog World out there and people who don't like dogs are viewed as strange, unloving or uptight, so I try to fake it, mostly in a way that requires me to have as little contact with dogs as possible. I am not really afraid of dogs, they just seem big and hairy and smelly and messy and way too much work. Frankly, I just don't see the point.

And then there are days like today, when dogs become more than just a nuisance but a major pain in the neck.

Last week when my parents came to visit, my mom brought a map of Salem. The map seemed to have a lot of errors; namely, the map had country roads where I am pretty sure none exist. It was like the map tried to anticipate future roads, but many of them never came to fruition - like the housing development down the street that got denied, but still made it on to the map. So when the map showed a little country road by our house (which I assumed was a dead end) going through to the main road, I was skeptical. But I figured it didn't hurt to check it out.

The road did dead end at a very nice house with two HUGE yellow labs sitting on the grass. They looked friendly enough, but I made an about face as soon as I spied them. Well, they come tearing after me and start jumping all over me. I drop my water bottle and one of them grabs it and runs off. I keep walking slowly down the road and the other dog falls along beside me, no longer "attacking" me with his "friendly" nature. So I walk back up to the house and the first dog is having a great time with my water bottle. I get the attention of the owner in the living room, who gets the bottle back and assures me the dogs are "very friendly." Fantastic, Buddy, but they still scared the crap out of me and ruined my water bottle.

Nice try Friendly Dogs, but you failed to win me over.