For years, my husband has made fun of my "nasty" feet. But I think he has found one area of ultra-running where he clearly takes the prize in our family. You see, in early September, Mac ran the McKenzie River Trail Run 50k, finishing 39th out of 171 runners, which Mac will proudly tell you is the top quartile of all finishers. And it once again places him in his age group...for women, since the RD of MRTR initially sexed Mac as a female again this year. (His real name is Mackenzie, so you can hardly blame the RD. I mean, it is a girl's name! Forest Park 50k had the same problem. I keep telling Mac to embrace it; it would help his Ultrasignup score a lot!).
|Mac's nasty toe. Compare the size to his other foot.|
I told him to stay away from me, and yeah, he should probably get some antibiotics.
After two days of antibiotics, the thing was still a big throbbing mess and fluid was actually draining through the skin. Our friend Gloria, the fastest (marathon runner) surgeon in Salem, came to the rescue! (Dr. Nair - if that hurts, you better run faster in Victoria!). She met Mac outside of the Kaiser offices, gave him a prescription for Vicodin, and told Mac to meet her at her house all drugged up at 5:30 pm.
Well because of patient labels, Gloria is not used to writing names on prescriptions, so Mac showed up at Walgreen's with a prescription that didn't have his name on it. The pharmacist was skeptical (because a guy in sweats who is not at work in the middle of the day is obviously a drug addict). So Mac put his toe on the counter to convince her he was not faking. To her credit, she did not vomit. "Well, where were you seen?"
And get this. Mr. Clueless answers, "In the parking lot," before realizing this does not help his case of being mistaken for a drug seeker. But a phone call to Gloria, and Mac got his drugs.
Later that evening, I met Mac at Gloria's. We banished all the kids from the kitchen and turned their dining surface into the operating table. I got to play nurse in the operation. Gloria asked me if I knew how to open items in sterile fashion. Just like a surgeon to think the pathologist is incapable of even the most basic floor skills! Geez, I mean we aren't total losers; we get out of our lab cave every once in a while! (And when we get back, we talk about how scary it was!). Plus, I was like,"Umm, hello? The toe is already infected. How sterile do we need to be? Just save yourself!" But I didn't say that.
Gloria numbed Mac up, ripped out the nail, and all was good. Or so you would think. Just as Mac is getting bandaged up he starts sweating like it is mile 90 of Badwater and his face has the same shade of green as after his first ultra. He throws open the door, puts his head back and is fighting to stay with it. Gloria gets him a cold towel for his head and I get him some water. Gloria is a concerned a caring doctor to her patient. And me? Well, there is a reason I am in pathology - I was laughing at him! Don't get me wrong, I was the concerned wife while the procedure was going on, but this was after it was over! It wasn't the pain, it was a vasovagal response, and yes, I am a terrible person, but I didn't have much sympathy. But this isn't the first time I've seen Mac deal with this: About ten years ago, Mac fainted in periodontist office after a gum graft - only I was the one who had had the procedure, not him. The man is kind, and loving, and a great dad, but let's face it, he's a bit of a wimp.
|Still feeling good|
|Now that's pretty!|
|"Be strong, Honey, you can do it!"|
Thank you, Gloria! You rock!